How to Introduce a New Partner to Your Child

For many people around the globe, Valentine’s Day is the moment to make romantic commitments. From becoming an “official” dating couple to making a promise to legally wed, Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity for couples to make a leap from casual to committed.

But for single parents with new partners, Valentine’s Day brings up some uncomfortable questions. When is the right time to introduce your children to your significant other? How will your co-parent react?

Sometimes, custody agreements include guidelines for introducing new partners. However, this should have been discussed during mediation — so if you don’t recall setting rules for new partners, your agreement might not discuss introducing significant others to your children.

Preparing Your Family To Meet Your Partner

First and foremost, before you do anything, it’s essential to examine your custody agreement. If you violate any agreements you originally made during the custody case, your ex-spouse could take you to court and petition for more parenting time.

If you are following your custody agreement, here’s some additional variables to consider before introducing a new partner:

Examine The Security Of Your Relationship

Have you ever heard of the honeymoon phase? It refers to the initial glee and stomach butterflies someone gets when they are in a new relationship. But sometimes these giddy feelings can lead to couples moving fast, which can be problematic for children and ex-partners.

Psychologists recommend waiting nine to twelve months before introducing your children to a new significant other. By this time, a couple has passed the honeymoon stage — meaning they are seeing all their new partner’s perks and flaws.

If you are confident in your significant other, it’s important to introduce them to your children. However, if you introduce your new partner too early and the relationship doesn’t work out, your children will feel the loss.

Consider The Age Of Your Children And Timing

Every child, regardless of age, will have difficulty adjusting to their parent’s new partner. However, various age groups will express themselves in their own way.

Depending upon the amount of time since the split, teenagers can struggle with meeting a parent’s significant other. Parents should ask their children their thoughts before introducing a new partner. If they express feeling uncomfortable or unwilling, it’s not the right time.

Younger children also have difficulty accepting a new significant other. Many kids thrive on schedules, but introducing a new partner can change their daily routine. It’s important to make introductions slowly and follow-up with your children afterwards.

Consult With Your Co-Parent

To maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex, it’s important to let them know about your plans to introduce your new partner to your children. If you blindside your ex and introduce your children without letting them know, they may feel betrayed and could file to change the current custody agreement.

Have A Discussion With Your Children

Lastly, but most importantly, talk to your children before introducing a new partner. Give them space to ask questions and prepare themselves ahead of the meeting. If your children express discomfort and uncertainty, address their concerns. During your conversation, you may realize it is not time to make the introduction — and that’s okay. Your children will appreciate your willingness to listen and adapt.

How To Revisit Your Court-Ordered Custody Agreement

It’s not uncommon for co-parents to alter their initial custody agreement, especially when one parent is experiencing significant life changes like moving, dating, welcoming a new child, or marriage.

If you have concerns about your co-parent and are looking to revisit your court-ordered custody agreement, consult with a family law attorney to assist with your case. At Hickey & Hull law offices, our online representatives are ready to schedule your consultation today.