"Your Friend Did What?!?!?!"


All of the quotes above resonated with me recently.  Interestingly, there is a great commonality among them when considering our relationships with each other, especially friends.

"We're not the same person...we're constantly changing."

People change.  Yet, we have trouble adapting to that don't we?  Especially when our friend makes a change that we don't exactly agree with.  Do we judge at that point?  Oh most definitely.  But of course we'll start our sentences with "Now I'm not judging, but..."

"The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it."

See what they did there?  Gave us the most simple and basic playbook we ever needed.  Only two parts to know.  First, the universe is change.  Second, life is what our thoughts make it.

Back to our first quote and hypothetical.  Your friend makes a change you don't like.  Your friend's change is a natural part of her world, her universe.  OUR universe.  Yet your thought ("I don't like that") has labeled it...judged it.  You have identified it, and rarely is our identification neutral.  It is usually coupled with a positive or negative feeling.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

Sticking with our hypo, let's say this friend's change was quite major.  Something that could have a major positive or negative impact on his/her life.  What do you do?  Well, I suppose it depends on what the change is and whether it is positive or negative.  If extremely negative, what do you do?  I suppose you either walk in or walk out.

"One of the most beautiful qualities of friendship is to understand and be understood."

And I would add to this "...and to not be unfairly judged."  Way too often we get into the "I know best" mentality, which leads us to ever increasing judgment of others.  We must understand our friends, and that we are all different and have our own quirks. Our friends and acquaintances will go through change, just as we do.  Their personalities may gain strength or weaken.  Life change will happen to them, and us.  This is fundamental to the universe.  Don't fight it.

You have a choice of what thoughts you assign to a particular change that you observe.  Choose them wisely.  They will affect your relationship with that person for the better or the worse, whether you ever voice your judgment or not.

Try to understand the change that you observe.  It is human to try to judge first, but remember that to try to understand should be the first action.

Finally, when in doubt, walk in rather than walk out.