Hopefully, you've collected plenty of golden hours and memories with your family during the summer months but, it's time to start preparing for back to school. I know this because the stores are already full of bins holding colorful pencil sharpeners, pencils, rulers, index cards, and the almighty boxes of crayons. Preparing for the return to school after you and your spouse have split brings its own set of emotional struggles, but if you keep a few things in mind, it will ease the stress. Like any ritual, there’s a power to repetition. Create a new ritual with your kids, and have fun picking out folders, stickers, and a new lunch box.

Budget

Come to an agreement with your ex about who buys what for the school year. Kids are expensive. They are tiny humans we must feed, clothe, and guide through life. Decide who will buy school supplies, clothes, socks, new backpacks, pay registration fees, and then stick to the plan. In most cases there will be a parent who can afford more. Try to balance this out. Be fair to one another because it’s not about you, it’s about your children. This isn’t just back to school, it’s also back to ballet, piano, tennis practice, or whatever extracurricular activity might apply to your children. Talk this budget through as well for the coming year.

Schedule

Decide now how to split up your child’s school schedule: who is picking up, who is dropping off, who runs the kids to dance or soccer, etc.. This is a big job, and sometimes one parent does all of it because of work schedules and availability. Be fair, think of the kids, and try to split this important task up in the best way for all of you. Maybe dad works past the final school bell, but can grab a few minutes with the kids on some mornings. Do it. It’ll mean the world to the children.

Parents and Teachers 

Please communicate with your teachers. Teachers have emails now, and even text with some parents (this is up to the teacher). Your child’s teacher can be a great ally. They can alert you when they think something might be wrong, they can lift up your whole day by sharing something wonderful about your kid, they can be an extra support when you or your child are struggling. If you communicate with the teacher, many times it opens up the pathways for them to be more communicative with you. 

Yes, summer is winding down. Squeeze out as many moments from these last few weeks as possible! Remember: They’ll own be this age during this summer at this minute. Enjoy it. 

If the situation allows, work with your former spouse and their family for a solid school year. Get the paperwork completed, buy the new backpacks, maybe download some apps to keep the communication clear for all, but remember to keep the kids in the center of your decisions.

Whether you initiated your divorce or not, life after divorce can be a bit daunting, particularly if you have been married for a long time. It could be possible that you cannot envision a life not as a couple much less living alone. Whether you remain in the marital home or find a new one to start fresh there are positives and negatives to life after divorce. As devastating as a divorce can be, it is also time to reinvent yourself. Here are eight tips for reinventing yourself from WebMD.

1. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. You went into the marriage thinking, “happily ever after,” but now you have come to the realization that that is no longer a possibility. It is okay to feel sad about the loss of a relationship even if the divorce is something you wanted, it still represents a loss.  You may feel remorse for what was done or not done in the failed relationship. Experts suggest not dwelling on those feelings, but making room for them.
2. Seek the advice of a professional to work through your emotions, just as you seek our professional legal advice. It is common to ignore your feelings especially if you have children involved, because you may feel as if you need to “stay strong” and not show how your feelings of pain and anguish. You may also want to seek a professional to help your children cope with their new life.
3. It is important to “learn to like yourself.” It is not uncommon for a spouse to feel as if he or she has something wrong with them. Do something just for you to make you feel good about yourself.
4. Rediscover yourself. Maybe your time has been occupied doing things, as a couple or raising children, now is your time to rediscover things you used to love doing. Did you have a favorite hobby, but let it go due to other responsibilities related to your marriage? Now is the time to pick that back up or learn a new skill, take up running or something else you have been putting off.
5. Shake things up by getting a new haircut or going back to college. Of course, you may have some considerations for major decisions like kids, a job and budgeting concerns. Make sure the changes you make are healthy, construction and appropriate. “Look for changes you can say yes to, instead of dwelling on what’s out of reach.”
6. Being alone can feel daunting, but embrace it. Being solo is not about being isolated and not interacting with others, it is about feeling confident in yourself. Remember, there are more than 30 million people living along in the United States. Take this opportunity to explore different groups of friends that enjoy doing things you like such as a running group or a book club, whatever gets you out and about to meet people with the same interests as you.
7. Consider dating again once you feel ready. As your attorney, we always suggest keeping your divorce and child custody agreement in mind. Most co-parenting arrangements address overnight stays and children being present. When in doubt, consult your agreement or call our office to discuss.
8. Embrace your newfound roles that you may not have been a part of in the marriage. If your partner always took care of the weekly menu and grocery shopping, embrace your new role as “head chef” in the house and take a cooking class or two to learn how to prepare something new.

Kevin Hickey Law Partners always suggests to our clients to remember that you are not alone and don’t feel as if you have to take on your new life perfectly. We are always here to help you with any legal matters that may arise. Our expertise and experience can help you navigate important decisions. Let us help you take a little of the burden off by allowing us to think of future situations that may arise from the divorce. Call today for a consultation to begin your new life.

Blech. Yes, the title is a downer, but we need to have this talk. According to numerous sites with some legit PhDs and MDs writing articles, the stress level of divorce is right up there next to the death of a spouse. With major stressors of grief, finances, future goals, and everyday life, depression is a major factor after divorce. So how do these educated and experienced experts suggest we cope? Here are some suggestions, you know, aside from (and in addition to)  therapy:

Change your mindset

This is the work in the trenches, my brothers and sisters. Changing your thought life will vastly change your attitudes and outcomes, but the process is rough. The reason so many struggle with this is that in the midst of what seems like setbacks and sadness one must focus on the good. If you’ve been depressed or just sobbing into your ice cream whilst binging Netflix, you know your emotions put up a fight toward all the positive thinking gratitude needs. The result, however, is that it does change the way you think, and thus, experience life. After a divorce, you need to see the good and find ways to create a positive, flourishing life of your own. Changing how you view the world, yourself, and your future is essential.

Get a hobby

Change your mindset one thought at a time and your emotions will follow, but you need to occupy your mind as well. One article suggested knitting. Not everyone wants to knit. But I see where the repetition can keep the mind occupied from meditating on the divorce and all that follows that absolute train wreck of thought-happiness.The point is, find something that is beneficial and occupies your mind and time. Exercise not only builds confidence, but is part of the self-care you desperately need. Maybe you don’t learn to knit, but you do lift weights or practice yoga in a class, or you do both. 

There are other more specific ways to cope after your divorce, but these cover two major and life-altering aspects of said coping. Changing the way you think and occupying your mind and body will begin to turn your entire worldview around while building your confidence and your future.

 It’s about to get better. We’re here to help.