After the divorce is finally settled, your first instinct might be to cut all ties with your ex and move on to the next chapter in your life. If you have minor children, that is not possible. You have a lifelong connection regardless of your feelings about him or her. It is in the best interest of the children to move past the emotions and come up with a plan to successfully co-parent. Continually holding animosity towards one another creates a stressful situation for both you and your ex, but more importantly, your children.

Successful co-parenting after divorce helps the children have a feeling of stability, creates healthy relationships with both parents, lessens the chances of the children feeling abandoned by a parent, allows for a faster adjustment to the new family dynamic, less behavioral issues and many more positive influences in the children’s lives. Additionally, remember you are setting an example for your children. This is your opportunity to be a positive role model to show them how to work together in adversity.

The following tips are helpful in establishing successful co-parenting:

• Keep it professional – Think of it as a business deal. We have all worked with people we do not necessarily like, but because it was business, we successfully got the job done. This is exactly how you should consider co-parenting. Keeping communication business-like lessens the chances of saying or doing things that push emotional buttons. Keep it brief and to the point.

• Communication, communication, communication – These days there is really no excuse for lack of communication. If in in the beginning it is hard to see your ex face-to-face and communicating in a calm manner, communicate via texting and email. Be sure to review those texts and emails before sending to avoid a misunderstanding.

• Share information about important issues and events – No one wants to be kept in the dark about important issues and events regarding their children. Remember the old saying, “Put yourself in their shoes.” You wouldn’t want to be left in the dark about these things, so why would your ex. Create a shared calendar through Outlook or Google Calendar. Utilizing a shared calendar keeps everyone on the same page. If your kids are old enough, allow them access as well. If it is your ex’s visitation, communicate about the need for a baseball mitt or dance shoes ahead of time. Add these items to the shared calendar as well. It is difficult for many parents to accept the fact they will not be there for every moment of their child’s life, the calendar will allow them to have hands-on, instant access to their children’s schedules.

• Never Assume, don’t tell, discuss – Keep an open dialogue. Never assume the other parent knows or does not care to know, definitely don’t tell your ex how it is going to be without discussion. Discuss all things child-related together.

• Maintain similar rules – To successfully co-parent there cannot be two sets of rules at each parent’s home. You don’t want your children playing one parent against the other. Avoid being the “easy parent.”

• Stay flexible – Life happens. Inevitably, you will be late for a child exchange with the other parent and vice versa. Try to remember that and stay flexible when things don’t go exactly as planned. You both should try to the best of your ability to be on time, but when things happen like working late, being stuck in traffic and so forth, be forgiving. Also, have the kids ready for pick-ups and drop offs.

• Avoid confrontation in front of the kids – Of course, co-parenting is not always going to be rainbows and butterflies, but try to keep any disagreements between one another in private and away from the children. Definitely do not speak ill of the other parent in front of the kids. This destroys everything you have worked for to create a successful co-parenting environment.

• Hire a parent facilitator - If you absolutely cannot work together, consider working with a parent facilitator. A facilitator is an unbiased, third party that will help you work out parenting issues together. Think of them like a referee or coach. The parent facilitator allows you to reach amicable resolutions and agreements together without going through the court process.

Kevin Hickey Law Partners will help you work through the divorce process, custody agreements and co-parenting success. Call us today.

 In Arkansas, generally all property acquired during a marriage belongs to both parties—including a business. A business is subject to equitable property division as it is considered the marital estate. Some situations regarding business interest are cut and dry because the business interest is a minimal asset and others are not as they are a significant asset.

Children are often at the center of many arguments amongst couples during the divorce process and often times after the divorce is settled. During the tumultuous time of a divorce proceeding and custody arrangements, parents’ emotions can take over and leave the children in the middle. The courts’ duty is to serve the best interest of the children. In order to protect the best interest of the interest, the judge may order an attorney ad litem or guardian ad litem. The judge makes the determination if either of these is necessary if he or she feels the minor(s) needs their own independent legal representation or protection.

Under Arkansas Code, §28-1-111, (a) “circuit courts shall have the power and duty to appoint a guardian ad litem to a proceeding to represent an incompetent party who is not represented by a guardian or next friend and, for the protections of the interests of a nonresident party who is not represented before the court and has not been personally served with notice, to appoint an attorney ad litem to give notice to the nonresident of the pendency and nature of the proceeding as is provided by law with respect to proceedings in courts of equity.”

(b) “The appointment of a guardian ad litem or attorney may be made by the clerk of the court at any time after the initial of a proceeding by the filling of a petition, subject to the approval of the court.”

Guardian Ad Litem

This person is appointed to represent the best interest of the child and does not have to be a lawyer. Such persons can be volunteer advocates, such as CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates), non-attorney licensed professionals such as counselors and social workers, and any adult the court determines to be competent to serve as a guardian ad litem. In some cases, the lawyer is appointed both the attorney and guardian ad litem.

Attorney Ad Litem

This is an attorney who provides legal services to a person, including a child. In family law, the minor often does not have a legal representative unless one is appointed by the Court.

Once the Court appoints an attorney ad litem, they will interview the involved child, all involved parties and any witnesses to determine the best way to represent the child. Then, they must conduct an investigation into the facts of the case along with determining the child’s wishes, if possible. The attorney ad litem is responsible for taking any actions deemed necessary. If the attorney deems necessary, he or she could conduct discovery, file motions and move to promote settlement of the litigation

The attorney ad litem will present to the court all relevant facts regarding the case, the child’s wishes and the ad litem’s deteriming of the child’s best interest. He or she will file appropriate pleadings on behalf of the child, call witnesses, participant fully in examination of witnesses, present relevant evidence an advocate for timely hearings.

The primary difference between a guardian ad litem and attorney ad litem is that the attorney is not a witness and advocates for his or her client. A guardian ad litem is intended to become a witness as to what is in the best interest of the child. This person becomes an integral party of the proceedings and acts on behalf of the child in the case. Both will have regular contact with the child. Both will appear at all hearings to represent the best interest of the child.

Factors used to determine the best interest of a child are:

• Moral fitness – integrity, character, compassion, sobriety, religious training
• Stability – emotional, work, financial, residence, school, healthy
• Love and affection – attention given, discipline, attitude toward cooperation with the other party regarding eh child’s needs
• The Child: relevant information regarding the child such as stated preferences, age, health and testing evaluations
• Home and Location – Location, size, family composition

Kevin Hickey Law Partners has extensive experience and expertise in family law cases. We will be happy to help you determine which service is of the best interest for you.

If you haven’t watched the Kid President videos in a while, go out and do that now. It will help establish your faith in humanity again. The people at Soul Pancake on YouTube bring some uplifting content. It was after a Kid President marathon that I explored some of the other videos recommended, and I couldn’t resist one entitled “That Moment Divorce Changes Your World.”

Divorce definitely changes your world. In this particular video, political hints and agendas aside, I was struck with how divorce can transform a lost person into the person they were created to be. We often only read or hear about the devastation and trouble divorce causes. (Yes, this is a law blog, but that doesn’t mean we believe divorce is a good thing.) In this blog we discuss matters surrounding divorce in order to equip you with knowledge, because knowledge is truly power, but what if we stopped for a minute and talked about the good that can arise from a new start? That’s what a divorce can be -- a new start. You can live your best life, even after divorce.

People marry young, and that is a beautiful, hopeful part of the human experience. Young marriages often end, even 20 years later, because people change. We should change. We should grow and expand. The challenge in marriage is that through the growth, through the change, we should stay connected to our partner. Too often, this does not happen and the rift is so wide that a bridge across is difficult to even conceive, let alone build.

What happens next is usually a divorce. But as this young woman in the video describes, divorce has the power to challenge the facade we have built around ourselves. Perhaps the relationship fell apart because it was never based on reality. Many times, as people begin to discuss their divorce, it comes down to something about identity. Sometimes it is a loss of identity. Sometimes it is discovering identity. What this woman discusses is real. When we divorce, we can find in ourselves a deeper, more authentic version of ourselves. The power of seeking through the brokenness, or wandering through the shock until we bump into it, is that we find a more authentic piece of ourselves.

Too often we build relationships around broken pieces, or incomplete ones. Divorce can keep us in this cycle, or it can free us from it. After divorce, people can feel lost, confused, hurt and alone. An individual can begin to find their way out of this by discovering who they are, what they dream, what they want, and in this way, begin to live their best life.

Remember, it’s about to get better. We’re here to help.

Is your spouse acting a bit more odd and “snoopy” than normal? If you think your spouse is spying on you, you should probably trust your gut instinct. What are some things you should watch out for and how can you prevent it?

There are many reasons a spouse may spy on you, but some of the most common we see in our practice are:

• He or she suspects you of cheating.
• You have given him or her reason to not trust you, such as unfaithfulness in the past.
• He or she is cheating. Very often, a spouse spies to protect his or her infidelities, to avoid getting caught.
• He or she feels the need to control you.
• The two of you are involved in a custody battle and he or she wants to try to gather evidence against you as unfit.

The typical signs to watch for are:

• He or she regularly questions you about where you have been and whom you have been with. This action will be more than what a genuinely concerned partner would ask. It will be more in the form of a demand to know these things.
• On the other hand, your partner may know about places you have been and who you have been with before you’ve had the chance to tell him or her yourself.
• Your partner deflects your questioning as to why he or she wants to know these things onto you as being paranoid or defensive. Often, the spying spouse tries to make you feel like you are in the wrong.
• Your phone or computer displays out of the ordinary activity. For example, the screen is different from the way you left it. Your phone may need more frequent charging than normal. This may indicate increased data transmission.
• Your phone shows activity when not in use. If your phone is lighting up and making noises out of the ordinary or reboots for no reason, this may indicate someone has remote access to your device.
• Your spouse guards his or her own privacy with practiced determination.
• You simply have an uneasy feeling of being watched.

How should you avoid been of victim of spying?

• Check your home for spy cameras. These days cameras are easy to obtain at a reasonable price and easy to hide. One way to do this is via a physical sweep. Turn off all the lights and walk slowly around checking for tiny LEDs that indicate a device is active. There are some inexpensive bug sweepers on the market to help you track down the hardware.
• Check your vehicle for tracking devices.
• Use a strong password or fingerprint recognition for your devices. Avoid using the same password for all devices.
• Install an anti-virus software and regularly run a clean-up.
• Set your phone to airplane mode when not in use.

How to find spy software on your phone (Android or iOS):

Android:  Go to Settings > Applications > Manage Applications or Running Services. This can help you find suspicious looking files. Some spy programs do a better job than others at hiding these files. Some of the less expensive programs are quite easy to spot with names that contain terms like “spy” and “monitor”.

Note:  It is not advisable that you delete any files you are not sure about.  We suggest bringing the phone to us or your local phone dealer to help you determine which files belong on the phone and which do not.

iPhone:  In order to add spy software to an iPhone, your spouse would have to jailbreak it. It is not as easy as the Android to find spy software on the iPhone, but you can easily remove spy software by upgrading to the latest OS version. The upgrade will remove the jailbreak and any external non-Apple software.

Note:  Be sure to back-up important data before upgrading the latest OS version.

In our experience at Kevin Hickey Law Partners, your gut instinct is typical right. If you don’t think things are the way they ought to be or you feel uneasy, you should trust yourself. Contact us today and we can help you throughout the entire process.

When a couple decides to terminate their marriage, things can and probably will get heated at some point. This is particularly true when children are involved. It is easy to lose your cool and let emotions get the best of you and, frankly, no one can blame you when things escalate, but it is important to remember your children and what is in the best interest of them. My advice to clients regarding the do’s and don’ts of child custody in Arkansas are:

1. Do Keep Discussions Age Appropriate for Children – Use your best judgement when it comes to telling kids about every detail regarding the case. Determine what is age appropriate for them. This is a difficult time for them as well; they do not need the extra stress of worrying about the case. Children will often imagine the worst-case scenario and internalize it or act out. Keep in mind this is his or her father or mother.
2. Do Not Talk Poorly of the Other Parent in Front of the Children – Again, this is your children’s father or mother. It is important to not speak ill of your soon-to-be ex in front of the kids. Besides the fact that this can affect your children mentally, courts do not look favorable on parents who throw their children in the middle of a custody battle. You should also use caution when discussing matters with friends either in person or over the phone. Make sure your kids are not around where they overhear your conversation. Do not post anything negative on social media.
3. Do Show Willingness to Work with Your Ex – Your ex will in all likelihood be in your children’s lives from now on. Therefore, it is not only important for you to work with him or her for their sake, it is important for the judge to see that you are willing to work with your ex and not using your children as pawns in an ugly divorce/custody battle.
4. Do Not Begin a Romantic Relationship – You may be ready to move on with your life after a bad marriage, but it is advisable to avoid beginning any romantic relationships until your divorce is final. If you do decide to begin a romantic relationship, absolutely do not introduce the children to your partner until the divorce is final. Keep in mind that Arkansas is a conservative state and the courts tend to frown upon children being around romantic partners.
5. Do Not Allow Unmarried Romantic Partners  to Stay the Night When the Children are Present – As mentioned, Arkansas is a conservative state and cohabitation between unmarried partners does not look favorable to the courts. Even if your divorce and custody case are final, cohabitation could be grounds for changing custody.
6. Do Be Aware that Perception is Everything – The only thing the courts have to go by is the evidence that is presented to them and what they perceive to be true. Do everything you can to present yourself to the court as a competent, involved, loving parent. This includes your appearance to the judge and maintaining proper courtroom etiquette. This also includes watching what you post on social media. Anything can be used against you. See Brad Hull’s, an attorney with Kevin Hickey Law Partners, past blog about social media and divorce.
7. Do Request an In-Home Custody Evaluation – This is not needed in every case, but as mentioned in item #6, perception is everything. If you believe that your ex could present you in a negative way to the judge, you may want to consider this option as a way to assure the courts you are a fit parent.
8. Do Maintain Honesty with Your Lawyer – In order to present your case to the best of your attorney’s ability, it is imperative that he or she knows every detail regarding the situation. Leaving out important details will damage your case and your attorney’s ability to address them before the judge.

Let Kevin Hickey Law Partners help you protect you and the best interest of your children. We can help guide you personally through the do’s and don’ts of your custody case with our extensive knowledge and expertise.